This is a list of a selection of the readings that I sometimes recommend to clients. I receive no remuneration for listing these books. They are listed because clients and I have found them to be useful.
Topics
Marriage
- Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love, revised edition. (1994) by H. Markman, S. Stanley, and S. Blumberg. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
- Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. (1988) by Harville Hendrix. New York: Henry Holt.
- After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful. (1997) by Janis Abrahms Spring. New York: Harper Collins.
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. (1999) by John M. Gottman. New York: Three Rivers Press.
There are several approaches to marital therapy. One is to look at subconscious factors that each spouse brings from the past. A second is to focus on system factors that are at play to keep certain patterns in balance. A third approach is to target communication in the relationship. The authors of this book help you work on your marriage mainly from a communication perspective. That is, if couples were able to really discuss their difficulties in a non-aggressive, non-defensive, problem-solving way then most marital conflicts would be resolved. Probably the most important communication skill anyone can have is what is sometimes called active listening. The book calls this the speaker-listener technique and it presents this skill very clearly and effectively. It doesn't stop there, though. The book also helps you identify and work on core issues and guides you on enhancing things that help make relationships grow and last.
Dr. Hendrix approaches marriage from the perspective of unconscious processes. He effectively explains how unconscious issues from childhood play a role in romantic attraction and he carefully guides the reader through the journey of making these processes conscious and more under your control. The book also contains many exercises designed to translate your insight into skills that can enhance your relationship. A companion workbook is also available.
Arguably the most difficult crisis that can happen in a marriage is when one partner has been unfaithful. Dr. Spring sensitively and clearly helps both partners understand the crisis, guides them in the decision as to how to respond, and helps those who want to stay together as they work towards truly mending the relationship. The final sections cover such difficult topics as restoring trust, regaining intimacy, and learning to forgive.
In contrast to marriage books based on what theories say are important, this is a solid, research based guide to marriage. In their Seattle lab Psychologist John Gottman and colleagues have been able to identify key principles that enable them to predict which marriages will work and which ones will lead to divorce. For example, did you know that all marriages, even the best ones, have two kinds of problems, solveable problems and unsolveable problems? A great deal of marriage conflict and gridlock involves trying to solve unsolveable problems. This book will teach you the fundamentals of successful relationships and help you avoid the behaviours that stifle marital happiness.
Anxiety and Panic
- Don't Panic: Taking Control of Anxiety Attacks. (1996) by R. Wilson. New York: Harper Collins.
- Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic III. (2000) by Michelle Craske and David Barlow. Albany, NY: Graywind Publications.
- The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety. (2008) by John P. Forsyth and Georg H. Eifert. Oakland: New Harbinger.
There are two main types of panic attacks, those that seem to come out of the blue (e.g. when you're at the mall, in church, or driving your car) and those that come from obvious triggers (e.g. snakes, spiders, public speaking). This is a scientifically based cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) guide on conquering the out-of-the-blue type of panic. It is useful for people suffering from panic and for their families.
This is a very solid cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) workbook on mastering anxiety written by some of the leading experts in the field.
Based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this book guides the reader in recognizing that efforts to control anxiety are not the solution but are a big part of the problem. The solution involves developing acceptance skills, freeing yourself from thinking traps, and taking action towards valued life goals. In recent years Psychologists have been studying and applying acceptance and awareness concepts referred to as mindfulness. These have been developed in part from Buddhist practices but can be applied within a Christian, secular, or other belief system.
Depression
- Mind over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think. (1995) by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky. New York: Guilford.
- The Feeling Good Handbook. (1999) by David Burns. New York: Plume.
- The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Depression. (2008) by Kirk Strosahl and Patricia Robinson. Oakland: New Harbinger.
As you can see by the title, Drs. Greenberger and Padesky take a cognitive approach to depression. That is, they help you work on the depression by changing unhealthy thought patterns and beliefs about yourself. Cognitive therapy is well established as an effective treatment method for depression. This book contains many worksheets and exercises. The authors have also written a Clinician's guide for therapists who want to guide you through the program.
Burns takes a solid cognitive therapy approach to depression but also includes sections on anxiety, communication, medication, and challenges in therapy. This book is almost 600 pages and over 3 centimeters thick but don't let that scare you away. It is packed with useful checklists, rating scales, and exercises. Make sure you check out the sections on social anxiety and dealing with difficult people.
Based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this book teaches that depression is a trap that involves "avoidance of painful issues, attachment to unworkable ideas about how to live life, and ignoring the results of some of your coping efforts." The solution involves developing acceptance skills, freeing yourself from thinking traps, and taking action towards valued life goals. In recent years Psychologists have been studying and applying acceptance and awareness concepts referred to as mindfulness. These have been developed in part from Buddhist practices but can be applied within a Christian, secular, or other belief system.
Anger Management
- The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. (1985) by Harriet Goldhor Lerner. New York: Harper & Row.
Dr. Lerner is a Psychologist who has hit on a very helpful metaphor to illuminate the dance-like interaction pattern of anger in close relationships. She takes an insight-oriented rather than cognitive approach and helps the reader understand and manage their anger better. She has also used the dance metaphor in her books on intimacy and deception. This book is written for women but is useful for men as well.
Long-Term Life Patterns
- Reinventing Your Life: How to Break Free from Negative Life Patterns and Feel Good Again. (1993) by J. Young and J. Klosko. New York: Plume.
- Boundaries. (1992) by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
This book takes a cognitive schema perspective and is particularly useful for people whose problems have been present since their teens. Sometimes people have long term ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that contribute to relationship problems, depression, and anxiety. The authors of this book help you to discover and break free from these negative life patterns. The eleven life traps they describe are abandonment, mistrust and abuse, emotional deprivation, social exclusion, dependency, vulnerability, defectiveness, failure, subjugation, unrelenting standards, and entitlement.
Pain Management
- Managing Pain Before it Manages You. (2002) by Margaret Caudill. New York: Guilford.
Dr. Caudill begins by quoting the actor Craig Nelson: “Pain may be mandatory, but suffering is optional.” This is a very useful self-help guide for pain management. It explains pain and the mind-body connection, guides you towards a healthy type of acceptance, teaches you to solve pain related problems, and helps you with both psychological and behavioural management strategies. It contains helpful checklists and worksheets.